He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
