shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
