Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
