My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
