Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
