i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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