I heard we made out
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face