didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
