guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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