Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.