He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
