U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE