I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are