I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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