Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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