if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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