i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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