i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
