I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
