i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
