Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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