once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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