There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
