Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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