I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
