Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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