got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
