She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
