This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
