i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
