Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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