So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
be right there i have to get my cape
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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