Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
