official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
