Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
