New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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