in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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