tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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