Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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