He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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