you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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