I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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