Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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