ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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