matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize