Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
