He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
