The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
