Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
