Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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