We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
