I want to stick my p in your. b.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cockslap morals
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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