..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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