I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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