Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
