Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
