Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
