walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm always down for nudity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
