I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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