I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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