I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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