I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
