Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
