I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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