If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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