I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
