Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
