why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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