if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
