it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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