i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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